Been told you have problems with anger? Or maybe you have a loved one with a temper? If anger is an issue in your life, read on to understand a little more about the scary emotion known as anger and what can be done about anger issues.
What is anger?
Anger, plain and simple, is an emotion. Anger is a very natural response to hurt and pain, such as injustice or betrayal. As human beings we all experience anger at some point in our lives, this may be overpowering rage, or maybe just frustration at someone cutting you off in traffic. Anger is seen to become an issue when we react aggressively or threateningly to others so they become hurt or afraid.
Physical signs of anger
When asked what anger feels like, many will describe increased heart rate and blood pressure, shaking, and feeling out of control. However, when compared with anxiety, these symptoms remind us suspiciously of the ‘fight or flight’ response we get when we are scared. When anxiety takes over we have a physiological response that takes over, makes us feel weak, sweaty, with racing thoughts and heart rate, with butterflies or nausea and an all over tightness.
So if this is anxiety, what does anger feel like? Well, if you have “anger issues” chances are you don’t know what that feels like. The behaviours we see when someone is ‘angry’ can be:
Yelling or screaming;- Swearing;
- Saying hurtful things;
- Kicking or punching people or walls;
- Heavy breathing and frantic eye movements;
- Difficulty putting sentences or arguments together;
- Smashing objects
All of these behaviours are generally uncontrollable, and are not what we would call the “smart option.” SO, why do we do them when angry then? The answer is the fight response. When experiencing strong anxiety we have an uncontrollable urge to flee, fight or freeze. We flee when we avoid the feared task (labelled an anxiety disorder), though for some the fight response comes more naturally. Unfortunately these actions are seen as aggressive and so are more often than not labelled as anger rather than anxiety.
When anxiety builds up in our bodies, it eventually needs to discharge, like a volcano. As we get hurt, we get angry, as we get angry, we get anxious, and that anxiety may build up if it isn’t emptied along the way or we are unable to escape the situation prompting the emotions. Like a filling glass of water, when it reaches overflow we discharge the anxiety in unhelpful ways, for some people it will discharge as nervous laughter, fidgeting, crying or fleeing the situation; for others the anxiety will discharge in an aggressive act such as yelling or punching.
The commonality between these actions is the uncontrollability, anxiety does not come with a pause switch as it is an inbuilt system controlled by the autonomic nervous system (that’s right, automatic) and fuelled by adrenaline (which will get your heart pumping!). So when have intense anxiety building inside, we become more primitive creatures. In fact, the frontal lobes of our brain (which is our “thinking selves”) become harder to access which is why do behaviours such as punching walls which we would never do if able to think rationally (as we end up with a sore hand and wall that needs fixing!).
So if that’s anxiety what is anger?
Well the anxiety must be there for a reason! Anxiety is an automatic response to a dangerous stimulus. If you are getting anxious in a situation where anger should be, perhaps the anxiety is responding to you! In working with Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP) we look closely at your emotional experience and how your body uses anxiety to supress emotions such as anger so instead of getting the emotion of anger your body becomes increasingly anxious and may discharge this anxiety as aggressive acts.
Telling anger from anxiety
Well if you are feeling the physical signs of anxiety (e.g. tension, shaking, heart racing) and an uncontrollable urge to do something about these feelings, then chances are it is anxiety. If you’re calmly experiencing a hot burn inside without an uncontrollable urge to act, you have anger!
Treatment for anger/anxiety issues
Helpful, evidence-based treatments for management of anger currently:
- Restructuring thoughts and “thinking” more through situations, and teaching relaxation strategies to manage the anxiety using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT);
- Learning to accept emotions and let go of unhelpful thinking styles which lead to getting “stuck” on anger/anxiety through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT);
- Exploring your emotional self, understanding the role of anxiety in controlling emotions and restructuring how you see yourself and your emotions through ISTDP.
If you are experiencing strong anxiety over the anger and have regular incidents of aggressive behaviour, rewiring your emotional self through treatment may help give you freedom from feeling out of control, strong regret and the label of “anger issues.” If you are interested to learn more about treating anger differently, please make an appointment to see one of our therapists at InMind 4 Health.
